The first real wave of pregnancy hormones

Today is Christmas Eve and I'm at work, feeling pretty sad about not being on the Island with my family for Christmas.  I've already cried four times today which must be a new personal record! I'm totally blaming it on pregnancy hormones.  I would laugh at the silliness of all this hormone-induced crying but only if I wasn't so busy trying to look like the composed social worker that I am...

Little kicks

I've felt the baby kicking since about week 17.  At that time, it was mostly at night and usually just when I was lying down.  Now, the baby kicks randomly throughout the day.  The kicks still aren't all that strong and they continue to feel like little pulses or little gas bubbles moving through my stomach but they are pretty fun to feel.  They keep catching me off-guard because it surprises me every time they happen but I am really enjoying this aspect of pregnancy.  

The last day of "regular pants"

I wore my last pair of "normal" pants last week (not including my Lululemons).  I even had to undo the buttons by the end of the day on those pants so I knew that it was time to pack them away with all the other clothes.  Some of my "normal" shirts still fit but you can see the pregnancy belly band on the pants because normal shirts aren't long enough.  Since I'm not a fan of this look, I've decided to forgo all of my regular clothes and switch over to maternity clothes.  I realize that my maternity closet is sorely lacking because I barely have any outfits to wear - I think that this is a sign that I need to go do a bit more shopping...

On another note, I've decided to put my scale away (and by put away, I mean store at a friend's house) until January 2010.  It's hard to see the number go up and up, even though I know that I'm not overeating (what I am doing is not exercising which isn't good either).  I know that I shouldn't weigh myself right after the baby is born as it will likely cause me huge amounts of stress.  All in all, it just seems better to put it away for a long while.  I will bring it back into the bathroom in a year or so as I do want to make sure that I'm losing the baby weight.  I just need to make sure that I'm not putting too much pressure on myself to do that.  

Compression stockings suck!

That's all I've got to say on this subject.  

People say the darndest things...

I've had some very interesting reactions from people when I tell them that I am pregnant.  First, a number of people (thankfully, no one close to me) were genuinely surprised when I told them that I was pregnant.  Really?  You were surprised that I'm pregnant?  I'm curious to know which part is a surprise - is it the fact that I'm 33 and most women try to have kids by the time that they are 35?  Or is it the fact that Scott and I have been married for 8 years and might be ready to move onto the next stage of our life?  Do tell, because I'm quite curious....

The other funny thing that people ask is whether or not this pregnancy was planned or was an accident.  Again, really?  Not that it is any of your business, but yes, it was completely planned. What would you say if I told you it was an accident?  Why do you even think that it's ok to ask such a question?  See above for more reasons why this is such a silly question.  

I know that I have said more than my fair share of stupid (and possibly hurtful) things in my life but I am endlessly fascinated by the silly things that others say.  I'm sure that I will hear all sorts of other odd questions as I go forward in this pregnancy and in my soon-to-be life as a parent but these two questions provide me with all sorts of amusement.  

The transformation begins

I've always known that I wanted to have children.  In fact, my high school friends used to tease me about having six kids.  I never thought that I would have six but I always figured that I would have two or three.  Scott was a little less certain about his desire to become a father and would only agree to having one.  He was never really all that into other people's kids and he showed no interest in things relating to children.  I think that he assumed that he would be a father but it never really part of his childhood dreams for his future.  Once I got pregnant, I was happy to be pregnant but I wasn't as excited as I thought that I would be.  This baby was very much planned and is very much wanted but it all seemed so surreal in the beginning.  People had started to call me "Mamma" from early on in the pregnancy and to be honest, it kinda freaked me out. As much as I was looking forward to having a baby, it seemed very foreign to consider myself as a mother.  I still am not totally comfortable with that idea yet but I am starting to get used to it. 

Going for our 18 week ultrasound this week has really made a huge difference in how I view this pregnancy.  The baby (I've really moved away from calling it "the fetus" - another sign of acceptance) seems much more real and I'm starting to better be able to visualize what it would be like to be a mother.  I've starting to fall in love with the little being that I am carrying but I know that this love will grow a million-fold when I actually get to meet the little one.  As for Scott, he's head over heels about this baby!  He was so fascinated by the ultrasound and he loves to tell people about the experience.  He is forever trying to feel the baby move and he loves to listen to my belly to see if he can hear anything. When I ask him about this, he says that he has always known that he would love his own baby, he could just care less about other people's kids (such a typical Scott statement!).  Previously, I had taken this as reason to be concerned about his potential indifference to his own children but I now realize how wrong I was.  Just one of the many life lesson that this child is already teaching me...

18 week ultrasound

Profile of the face

    

                         The baby's legs (this is the coolest photo!)

Skeletor!   (this is a frontal shot of the baby's face)
Another profile shot

We went to Calgary today for our 18 week ultrasound appointment.  This experience was SO much better than the last time (aside from the nearly bursting bladder again!) - the ultrasound tech was way nicer and it was so amazing to see our baby.  The appointment lasted about 40 minutes, during which the ultrasound tech checked out every aspect of the baby's health (brain development, organ development and placement, limbs, bone placement, cleft palate, club foot etc. etc. etc.). Everything totally checked out for our little one which made us really happy.  The baby must be a boy because it wasn't cooperating all that well - it was moving around a ton (hence, not the greatest photos) and was being a bit difficult for the tech to get her readings.  We still have no sense of what kind of baby we are having as it doesn't look particularly like a boy or a girl.  We did notice that it has my up-turned nose but that's about all that we could see.  Scott even managed to hold in his curiosity and he didn't ask what the sex of the baby was.  The baby is currently about 9 inches long and weighs just under 1/2 a pound.  All the measurements were bang on so we remain close to our original due date of May 12th.  All in all, today was a fantastic day!

On another note, ultrasound clinics are making a killing on selling these photos.  Each disk costs $20 and I'm sure that they sell a ton of them.  I can't imagine that they cost more than $1 to make (and that's being generous).  What a brilliant marketing idea!

Thank goodness for nine months of pregnancy!

As with many things, I'm sure that my perspective will change by the time that I'm hugely pregnant and desperate to give birth but at this point, I'm pretty darn happy that pregnancy lasts nine months.  First off, the long period of time gives you a chance to get used to the idea of having a baby and all the things that will change in your life.  I have barely begun to start processing that idea as I was pretty cautious about my thoughts during the first three months because I just wanted to get past the 'risk of miscarriage' stage.  Now, I'm at the 'coming to terms with all the changes in my body' stage.  Soon, I figure that I will start working on the 'oh my god, we are having a baby! what the hell were we thinking?' stage.  While I spend some moments thinking about what it will be like to have a baby, I can't honestly imagine it as it seems like such a foreign concept when you have never experienced it first-hand.  I haven't started to prepare the baby's room because I'm just not mentally there yet. Maybe that's the stage that's next to come...

The second advantage of being pregnant for nine months is that you have lots of time to organize your house.  Maybe this isn't important for other people because their houses are probably always organized but mine is often somewhat of a disaster (especially after a summer of mountain biking when we weren't home, ever!).  It's taken me weeks to go through my closets and put away all the clothes that don't fit and to figure out which maternity clothes I want/need. Now that I have (mostly) finished that task, I need to work on organizing our storage area.  See, the baby will not be getting a dedicated baby room (at least not while we live in this place); rather, it will be fit somewhere in between Scott's office stuff, our mountain bikes, and all the climbing/ski gear. In order to make this happen, I need to get rid of some stuff and organize the rest of it.  Here's hoping that I finish all this organizing in time!

The first kick?

I'm pretty sure that I felt the baby kick yesterday.  I was lying in bed for a little rest after work (and before bookclub) and I had my hands on my tummy.  I started to feel this little bumps against my hand.  There are hard to describe but it almost feels like a little pulse.  I can't really notice it without having my hand on my stomach, although I think that I am starting to get a sense of where the baby is sitting in my belly.  Scott came up later and tried to feel it. He thinks that he felt one kick but I had to leave to go out so he couldn't try to feel more.  Pretty exciting!

Proportions

I currently don't look all that pregnant.  Rather, I just look like I've been eating too many cookies (although my boobs look more like they have been eating boxes and boxes of doughnuts!). However, I am about 8 pounds less than my previous highest weight and only one pair of my largest-sized pants still fit.  I know that my stomach is so much different than normal but I really wish that I had more of a baby belly than a jelly belly.  

Names

I feel that it is quite a big responsibility to name a person. The person will have the name for his/her whole life - they may love it or they may hate it. Other people might make fun of it or they might end up with a horrible nickname. I want the name to be somewhat unique but not totally weird. Oh the pressure!

Scott and I have been throwing out different ideas for names since we found out that we were pregnant and have (mostly) settled on a name for a boy. Scott came up with the name when we were driving out to Whistler for the Thanksgiving long weekend. I had never thought of it as a name but I really like it. We don't have any ideas for a girl's name because Scott keeps boycotting all my suggestions. I plan to borrow a baby name book from the library to see if we can come up with something good for a girl.  

We have decided that we won't be sharing our first name selections until the baby is born. People will inevitably share their thoughts on the name and they might taint my view of the name. However, we are sharing the middle names - If we have a boy, his middle name will be Michael (Michael was Scott's cousin's name. They were incredibly close as children but sadly, Mike was killed in a car accident four years ago at Christmas time). If we have a daughter, she will have some type of floral middle name. Me, my sisters, my mom, and my grandmother all have some type of flower in our names. I plan to keep this tradition alive and will either use 'Lotus' (one of my two middle names, my mother's middle name, and my grandmother's name) or some other type of flower.

The downside to pregnancy

All in all, I've been pretty lucky with this pregnancy - I haven't felt too sick and I was tired in the beginning but not anymore.  Also, I have a bad memory for negative side effects so I quickly forget the bad things about being pregnant (which, I suspect, will come in handy after the delivery). Anyways, probably the two worst side effects I experience are indigestion and headaches.  I don't really get heartburn (at least not yet) but my tummy gets all bloaty and burpy. I carry a bottle of Tums around with me and usually take a couple per day.  The worst thing that happens is the headaches.  I used to get numerous headaches as a child and teen but they have gotten much better since I've become an adult.  However, pregnancy has brought them back with a vengeance. I seem to go through spells - headaches for a few weeks, nothing for a few weeks, and then back to headaches.  Initially, I resisted taking pain meds because I didn't want to take anything that would harm the baby.  However, the pain often gets to be too much and the doctor says that it's fine to take Tylenol.  I've had to leave work early on a number of occasions (including today) so that I could go home, lie down, and put an ice pack on my head. These headaches usually last 1-2 days and are not fun.  I've super happy to be pregnant but this part kinda sucks.  

The four month mark

Here's the first photo of the "baby belly".  I know that it isn't huge but my stomach is certainly bigger than it used to be.  I went for my monthly check-up yesterday and all continues to be well with the pregnancy.  My thyroid medication is working well and doesn't need to be adjusted.  The doctor always asks me if I have any questions but I really don't.  I had been worried about the weird cramping and stretching in my belly, but I googled it and was reassured that this is normal.  The doctor showed me where my uterus is currently sitting- the top of it is almost up to my belly button.  I can feel the hardness of it and can feel where it slopes off.  It's so amazing that it's already so much bigger but I know that there is still a long ways to go.  As for other new developments, my boobs also seem to be getting bigger and bigger (probably too much information but too bad, you signed on to check out the blog!) and are a frequent topic of conversation between Scott and his friends.  I've ordered some compression stockings to help with my varicose veins (thanks Mom!) and I've put away almost all of my "regular" clothes.  I have one pair of pants left and can still wear some of my tops, but I probably only have another week or two of wearing these clothes.  My maternity clothes are all in the closet and the drawers - it's a bit strange to switch over to a wardrobe that has mostly been donated to me as I don't have a good sense of what's in my closet but I'm sure that I will get used to my new clothing choices.  

As for the next few weeks, the baby is supposed to double in size (it's currently the size of an avocado) and increase in weight.  Looks like I'm about to get a whole lot bigger!

p.s. Note that Scott had to include the dog and his mountain bike in the photo!  That man loves me but he sure also loves his dog and his bike :)

p.s.s. Thanks to my Mom for pointing out that Cara looks totally shell-shocked in this photo. No, it's not because she's sad that I'm pregnant and is worried that she won't get enough attention once the baby comes.  Rather, you will notice that her "dolly" is in the background and she is pissed that I made Scott stop playing with her just so that he could take the picture of me.  

Other things the baby likes...

1. Poutine

2. Pizza

3. Beef (but not chicken)

4. Pasta with cheese and butter

5. Egg McMuffins

6. Bacon and Eggers from A & W

7. Burgers

8. Pancakes

9. Waffles

10. Sourdough bread

11. Cheese tempura (SO yummy!!!!)

I'm sensing a trend here - the baby seems obsessed with white carbs, cheesy goodness, and processed meats.  I'm not sure that this is such a good thing...

Being pregnant messes with your (my) head

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a bit of a worrier.  I come by it honestly as I come from a family of worriers.  Ironically, I'm married to a man who is the anti-worrier - he barely ever gets worked up about anything. Anyways, becoming pregnant has produced a constant stream of worries.  At first, I was quite worried about having a miscarriage.  Then, once I got to the three months mark, I was much less worried about that.  Now I worry about gaining too much weight and/or not gaining enough weight.  Sometimes I think that my baby belly should be bigger and other times I think that it's doing just fine.  I go in for monthly doctor's appointments and in between appointments, I start to worry that the baby isn't doing ok.  Normal cramping starts to freak me out and I worry that my body is doing something that it shouldn't.  However, every time I see the doctor, I get to hear the heartbeat and I feel confident again that everything is as it should be.  Hearing the heartbeat makes me happy!  

I know that there will be so many more things to worry about as this child grows, both inside me and out in the real world.  Howefver, I do feel truly blessed to be going through this experience and to be having a child.  

The first 'flutterings'

It might be wishful thinking or it might be the placebo effect, but I think that I am starting to feel little baby movements.  I often feel my tummy stretching out but this is different.  It's very subtle but it does seem like I can feel something moving.  I'm pretty keen to feel the baby move for real so I might be imagining this but here's hoping!

If the baby likes ice cream...

It sure doesn't seem to like vegetables.  I have barely eaten any veggies over the past four months. I still eat fruit but I just couldn't be bothered with veggies. Hope that this doesn't mean that my kid is going to be a picky eater...

The evolution of belly rubbing

I've always been fascinated by the way that pregnant women rub their pregnant bellies. I've wondered why they do it and I've wondered how they came to get into that habit. Now that I'm 15 weeks pregnant, I've come up with my own little theory...

1) I keep rubbing my belly because I'm always checking to see how big it is and I'm checking to see if it has grown since the last time I touched it.

2) My belly feels very strange, much of the time. I feel little twinges, tugging, pulling, cramping, stretching etc. and I'm often drawn to rubbing my belly to see if I can feel anything (like the baby moving - which, for the record, I can't feel yet).

3) It's very soothing to rub one's belly. I like to use the belly rubbing as a way to connect to the baby and to send positive, loving messages to him/her.

For now, I try to keep the belly rubbing to a minimum when I am in public. However, I assume that I will become a constant belly-rubber when I start to feel the baby move. That is one stage of pregnancy that I am anxiously awaiting!

Princess Preggo

It is unbelievable how nice people are when you are pregnant. I've heard rumours of this phenomena but it's actually something else to be on the receiving end of it. When I overpacked (as I always do) for my trip to Madonna, my friend carried my suitcase. When one of my friends brought dinner over the other night, she cut all the chicken up into small pieces, just because that's the way that I like it. When I crave ice cream, Scott goes down to the corner store to get it for me. When I visited my youngest sister, she brought me tea in bed. The list really goes on and on. I don't know if I want to tell people when the baby is born because I don't want all this niceness to stop!

The baby likes ice cream...

Alot!  I eat it every night (and no, that did not happen before I got pregnant)

Adventures in dressing

I get to play the "game" every morning.  Which pants still do up?  What can I wear with the belly band?  Which shirts hide my "baby bump that currently looks more like a spare tire than a baby belly"?  What tank top do I need to wear to make my 'too-short' shirts look long enough?  Should I wear maternity clothes today?  Decisions, decisions...

Stereotypes

I'm trying to resist some of the stereotypes that come along with being pregnant because I've never really been a huge fan of stereotypes (I just don't like to make generalizations about people). However, I've noticed that some things seem to be true about being pregnant: 

I cry, alot!  I don't think that I'm super hormonal and I haven't cried at some random commet that Scott made but I have cried at the following things: I cried at the BC Ferries ticket counter when I couldn't find a parking spot, I cried today when I was listening to the Remembrance Day stories on CBC and I cry when I see the 'On-Star' TV commercials (although, truth be told, I always cry at those darn commercials...)

Scott has gone for his first late night cravings run.  I was hankering for some ice cream last week and Scott was kind enough to run down to the corner store to pick me up some.  Such a sweet guy :)

The ultimate in stereotypes has to be the books that are created for men about becoming a father.  Scott was really hoping to find a good book that provided some insight into what was happening to me and to our baby.  However, the only books that we could find were about how his life, not to mention his sex life, was all but over.  So frustrating!

It's endlessly fascinating...

My body is changing every day, sometimes even throughout the day.  It seemed like my baby belly finally popped out on Friday, only to disappear yesterday. My belly is much smaller in the morning than it is by the evening but I think that my tummy muscles just get tired from trying to hold the belly in.  I'm still working my way through my larger-sized pants and I don't really look pregnant in most of my clothes.  The belly is most noticable to me when I'm looking down towards my feet or when I look at myself from the side as my waist is getting very thick!  It's not that noticable when I look at myself straight on.  However, it's only a matter of time before the "bump" will be impossible to hide.  

Sharing

It seems that pregnancy and having children is one of the last great times for sharing in our society. I have already received a bunch of clothes from friends who are willing to lend me their maternity stuff to wear and we have gotten offers of baby clothes, cribs, and other baby things to help us with our little May arrival. It's so nice to be on the receiving end of all these items and it is totally appreciated. I guess that child-raising is a whole community unto itself and one that I'm curious to enter into.

It's not fair

I went for lunch with a friend so that I could tell her that I was pregnant.  I wanted to tell her in person because she too had trouble getting pregnant and we had shared the ups and downs (more downs than ups) together.  Anyways, I hadn't seen her for a number of months and I wasn't sure where things were at for her.  To make a long story short, we met for lunch and she told me that IVF wasn't going to work for her as her body doesn't respond to the treatments. She is a very rare case and has no other options for fertility treatments.  She and her husband badly wanted to get pregnant and they have been trying for many years.  She is incredibly sad, angry, and disappointed by this news.  It's so unfair that she can't have the baby that she so badly wants when there are many children born to women who didn't want to get pregnant and don't want to raise a child.  Life just seems really unfair sometimes.  I feel sad tonight.  

The Ultrasound

   (the head is on the left)

Sorry for the delay in posting about the ultrasound.  I've been sick with a bad cold and I was waiting to figure out how to post the photo (turns out that it wasn't nearly as hard to post it as I thought that it would be).

Anyways, we went for our first ultrasound on Monday.  I had gone to the appointment expecting to see how the baby was developing and to get a Nuchal Translucency test.  The NT test is a new way to screen for Down's and other chromosomal abnormalities using a measurement of fluid from behind the baby's neck.  To get a good ultrasound picture, one must drink an enormous amount of wather.  This is truly the worst part of the test - by the time that I got to Calgary, I had to pee SO bad!  However, there was no opportunity to relieve the pressure until after the ultrasound tech had pushed a wand all over my full bladder.  At least she got a good reading...

We were lucky to arrive early for our appointment as the clinic quickly became busy after we had arrived.  When my name was called, Scott and I headed into the back. The ultrasound tech quickly scolded Scott for coming with me (I had told him that he could come) and sent him back to the waiting room.  I lay on the table, she poured the goopy stuff all over my stomach, turned the screen away from me and began the test without saying anything.  When I asked her a question about the NT test, she informed me that they don't do NT tests on 33 year old women at that clinic and I would need to go to a different clinic.  I informed her that I had specifically scheduled the NT test for this appointment but she refused to budge. I became quite frustrated with her, partly because I found her to be fairly rude but also because I was now being told something different than I had been told when I booked the appointment (it turns out that there was a combination of errors on the part of my doctor and the clinic but I still feel frustrated that I was given the wrong informatin when I booked the appointment).  Anyways, she finished doing her measurements (or whatever it was that she was doing - she never did tell me) and she went to bring Scott into the room.  She did brighten slightly in mood when she described what we could see on the screen (she finally turned it so that I could see it).  The image sorta looks like a baby but it also kinda looks like a tadpole with arms and legs.  She showed us the heart (which is quite big in comparison to the rest of the baby's body) and told us that it was beating at 168 beats per minute (which she said was fine).  Our baby already seems to be advanced in its development as it was measuring 11 weeks 2 days when I thought that I was only 11 weeks 1 day!  Neither Scott nor I cried during the ultrasound as it wasn't as emotional as I was expecting it to be. However, seeing the image definitely made things seem more real for me and I have been much more excited about the pregnancy since seeing the image of the baby.  

As for the NT test, we have decided not to rebook it.  I would have had another 2 1/2 weeks to get the test done but we have decided that it wasn't something that we were going to go forward with.  This is a very personal decision but one that seems right for us.  The test isn't conclusive but does give a good indication of possible risks.  However, even if the test indicated that there was a possible issue, I don't think that I would terminate the pregnancy.  If I am unsure that I could terminate, I don't think that there is much point in getting the test done.  The odds of there being a problem with the pregnancy are very small and I'm just going to trust that everything will fine.  

"It's like getting excited about Christmas but in July"

I guess that I never really put awhole lot of thought into how other people would react to my pregnancy, including my own husband.  I assumed that he would be happy but I never realized how excited he would be.  The man can not keep the news to himself and is telling everybody under the sun!  I believe that I have already mentioned how he told two people on the first day that we had found out we were pregnant, long before we had even discussed what we were going to do about telling people!!! Now, he's told all our biking friends and everyone who was at a going-away party at the bar last night.  He told me that he sometimes tries not to think about it because it's so exciting but so long before he gets to meet the baby.    

He's pretty damn cute and his excitment makes me love him even more :)

Less and More

I am less tired than before and have quite a bit more energy.  

I am less hungry and am gaining weight at a slower rate.  

I look less like an old-style Coke bottle and more like a plastic Sprite bottle.  My waist is rapidly disappearing as it continues to get thicker every day.  I'm still not really "showing" per say but I feel like the difference in my shape is noticeable.  

I fit into less and less of my clothes but continue to remain thankful for the plethora of clothes that I have in various sizes (my only saving grace at this point!).

I am less worried about having a miscarriage and more excited about being pregnant.  

I am less skeptical that there is something growing inside me.  I've actually seen a picture of "it" on a screen but it's still hard to believe that there is a human in there... 

The first cold

This kinda feels like the first time that I was sick after I moved away from home.  I feel sorry for myself and want somebody to make me feel better.  Alas, I think that I have partly brought this on myself.  Scott did give me his cold which made me feel slightly under the weather for the past couple of days.  Then, I decided that I should get my flu shot over with and got the pregnant lady version of the shot yesterday afternoon.  Today, I feel like total crap!  I'm a bit of a sickness wimp and desperately want to take some cold medicine or something to help make this go away but I'm already sacrificing for this little being and don't want to poison it (or whatever happens when you take medicine when you are pregnant...).  

I have a bunch of things that I was to post, particularly about the ultrasound on Monday but I don't have enough energy to write about all of it.  Long stoPublish Postry short (but to be outlined in more detail later), everything looked fine.  Our little baby looks like a tadpole but with cuter arms and legs. I'll post a photo when I write the next blog entry.  

I never thought that I would say this...

I'm actually getting sick of eating.  While I'm slightly less hungry than I was a few weeks ago, I'm still hungry, alot!  I can't pack enough lunch food and I need to eat every 1-2 hours.  Growing a baby from scratch seems to be taxing on the body.  

Dreams

I've had lots of strange dreams since I got pregnant but I hadn't yet dreamt about the baby.  Well, I had my first baby dream last night.  It was quite an interesting dream - I was at my parents' old house in Ladysmith and was trying to figure out how to change the baby.  When I realized (in my dream) that I had a baby, I tried to remember giving birth to the baby.  Turns out that I had no memory of that (maybe my brain isn't ready to think about labour yet...) or of leaving the hospital. In the dream, the baby was both a boy and a girl (at different times in the dream) so I don't have any insight into which type of baby I am having.  I'm almost looking forward to having more weird dreams - they are endless fascinating to me.  

Weekly update

Things have been pretty good this week.  I'm much less tired and have only taken a couple of short naps.  I've even managed to stay awake past 9pm on most nights!  I'm even hoping to return to a regular exercise routine soon.  

I'm still feel a little pukey in the mornings but it's getting better.  I continue to be fairly hungry but less than before.  

I'm slowing gaining weight (about 8 pounds so far) and am rapidly running out of pants to wear. I'm hoping to go another few weeks before I need to buy maternity clothes.  

I've been taking my thyroid medication regularly and look forward to finding out if I am on the right dose.  My next doctor's appointment is on the 29th and I should know soon after that about how well the medication is working (Turns out that I have a touch of hypothryoidism.  It's probably just because I am pregnant and I normally wouldn't even require treatment but, because of the pregnancy,  I do.)

I've told a few other people this week, including my boss.  I still haven't told the rest of my co-workers and am waiting until I get past the 12 week mark.  My boss was great (as I expected) but I feel a bit bad for her because two of my friends/co-workers also just told her that they were pregnant so she will have three staff off on mat leave, all within one month of each other!

It's been fun to find out that I have two friends who are also expecting.  They are both on their second child but it is nice to be able to share this experience with them.  I had been hoping to join in with them during their first pregnancies but things just didn't work out that way.  Regardless, I'm happy to be pregnant at this time - maybe it was meant to happen at this time.  

Only 1 1/2  more weeks to go until I'm into the second trimester (but who's counting...).  Our ultrasound is on Monday and I'm looking forward to getting that over with.  I'm super curious to see what that experience is like and I'm keen to make sure that everything is ok with our little "prune" (this week's produce description in 'What to Expect When You Are Expecting'.)

Secrets

I've always been a fairly private person (one of my friends in high school used to call me secretive) but I have become more open as I have gotten older (hence my willingness to create this blog).  Still, I am much more comfortable listening to others share things about themselves than I am speaking about myself. When you become pregnant, there are lots of decisions to be made about who to tell and when to tell them.  (Scott told two people the first day that we found out, before we had even had a conversation about who/when we were going to tell!)  

We did end up sharing our news quite quickly with the people that we are closest to and we've slowly been letting others in on our secret.  I guess that I still feel protective of the information because recently I found out that a couple of people were speaking of our pregnancy to people who didn't yet know that we were having a baby.  It was quite a surprise to hear that our news was spreading to people that we hadn't yet intended to tell.  I can certainly appreciate that people are excited about this pregnancy but it feels a bit like sharing the news to some of our friends was taken away from me.  

I guess that I can take a few lessons from this experience - Be more careful about who I share information with, be more specific about what those people should do with the information that I have given them, and be more mindful of what I speak about when others share their secrets with me.  

The decision doesn't get any easier...

Alberta announced yesterday that midwives will now be covered as of April 1, 2009.  I'm not exactly sure what this will mean - will you have to sign up after April 1st or can your due date just be after April 1st? - but I still don't know what I want to do.  

I guess that I am a little afraid of what could go wrong if I do a home birth and I feel like I would have better options (particularly if I decide that I need something for pain) for medical interventions.  I've heard such great things about the doctor that I am interested in and we have two nurse-midwives who work in labour and delivery in Banff.  

I could use a midwife in the hospital which might be a nice compromise.  I am interested in a water birth but the doctor doesn't do them (hospital policy) but I don't know if I could do a hospital birth with a midwife and get a water birth.  I guess that I need to find out more information before I decide what to do...

Measurements

As part of my weight loss program, I had been keeping track of my weight and my measurements. I just looked back at the last time that I recorded my measurements - despite the fact that I only weigh about 1.5 pounds more than I did on that date, my waist and chest are each 3 inches bigger.  No wonder my pants and shirts don't fit!

It's a good thing that I have lots of clothes

Fortunetly (well, really it is kind of unfortunate), I have a lot of clothes.  This is partly because I love shopping and like dressing up.  This is also partly because I have been many sizes during my adult life.  Most recently, I had lost 20 pounds and had put away all the clothes that were too big. Well, I had to dig out some of those pants this morning because my other pants just aren't working any more.  Shirts aren't so bad (yet) although the ever-expanding size of my chest means that the shirts aren't quite as long as they used to be.  Anyways, I'm happy this morning because I don't look like I'm trying to hide my mini 'baby bump'.  

I know that my preoccupation with gaining weight and not fitting into my clothes may sound vain but this is a pretty big mindshift.  I've always been aware of my size and I've worked hard to lose weight because I don't like being heavier.  I am worried that I will gain tons of weight during this pregnancy and will have a hard time losing it.  I imagine that many other women feel this way so I know that it's probably not just me but I don't know how many women talk about it.  There has always been a lot of focus in our society on women and the size of their bodies and this has had a big impact on me over the years.  Now, there is a huge focus on pregnant celebrities and how much weight they gain and how quickly they lose it.  I wish that I didn't get so caught up in the media's portrayal women, but the reality is, I do.  

What a pregnant woman eats

Sometimes I'm not really convinced that I am pregnant.  It seems like such a weird concept and I often don't feel like I'm pregnant (somehow I thought that I would feel different than I do).  This is despite the fact that my waist is bigger and my pants don't button up, I'm super tired all the time (although much less so this week than the past few weeks), I wake up nauseous every morning, and I'm starving all the time.  

The starving thing is quite distracting.  I eat all the time and I start to feel hungry so quickly!  I'm almost immediately nauseous if I don't eat something and there are only certain things that I want to eat (I have all sorts of random food aversions these days).  It's almost impossible to pack a lunch or take things out for dinner because I never know what I'm going to feel like eating.  

I had kept a log yesterday of all the things that I ate but I left it at home this morning, along with my daytimer.  I hate the idea that I'm getting "baby brain" and am becoming forgetful so I refuse to acknowledge that I forgot my daytimer just because I am pregnant.  That being said, I have only forgotten my daytimer once in the past 2 1/2 years and I can't type the list from memory because I don't remember what I ate...

Anyways, it is currently 1pm and so far I have eaten:

• Glass of oj (to stop the morning 'want-to-vomit' feeling)
• 4 pieces of French Toast with butter (lots!) and maple syrup
• Banana
• 1/2 cup cottage cheese
• 2 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
• Hot Beef Sandwich
• 1/2 small piece chocolate mousse cake
  
• Spinach and Swiss Cheese Foccacia Bread

After I got home:

• Big bowl macaroni with cheese (whiz)
• Grilled mozza cheese and mustard sandwich
• 3 (small) pieces low-fat chocolate zucchini brownies
• 6 rice crackers with hummus

See, it's quite a bit of food.  I usually feel fairly full by the time that I go to bed but I often wake up in the middle, starving(!) and need to come downstairs for a quick snack or cup of juice. Tomorrow, it will probably start all over again, especially the cup of juice part (I'm going to try to get through this whole pregnancy with no morning sickness.  Here's hoping!

I never would have thought

I can't drink coffee anymore.  It tastes bitter and yucky :(  I had cut back to 1/2 decaf and 1/2 regular espresso for my morning Americano but even that isn't working for me anymore.  I've switched over to tea which seems to go down just fine (but probably has even more caffeine than the espresso I was drinking).  I've also given up alcohol, which is a given for pregnant women, but I'm more bothered by losing coffee than not being able to drink red wine.  

Things that I don't like

• Heartburn/indigestion (which I'm having right now which is what made me think of creating this post)
  
• Needing to sleep an extra few hours a day
• Waking up in the middle of the night to pee
• Not being able to go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night
• Pants not fitting properly 

I guess that's it so far.  Maybe this pregnancy thing isn't really so bad after all...

Doctor or midwife?

Every since I was a young girl, I've always thought that I would use a midwife.  I didn't like the idea of medicine invading a normal process that women have been going through for many years and I thought that midwives would spend more time with the mom-to-be, both before, during, and after delivery.  I've now worked at a hospital for the past 2 1/2 years and I'm just not so sure if I think that having a doctor is such a bad idea.  Most of my friends have had complications with their deliveries and the worrier in me is somewhat nervous about having something go wrong with my delivery.  Plus, midwives aren't covered in Alberta and cost $3500 (which is a whole lot of money!).  That being said, part of me is still really drawn to getting a midwife.  I guess that I need to make a decision soon...

The first post

I've decided that it would probably be easier to create a blog than to send out daily/weekly updates to those of you who live far away but who care deeply about this strange thing growing inside of me (or for those who live close by and really want to know what's going on inside my head...).  

I'm 9 weeks today which means that I'm in my 10th week but have officially completed 9 weeks of pregnancy.  It's all very strange math that was created by some male doctor many years ago. My due date is May 12th which seems like a good time to have a baby.  I haven't missed too many days of riding this year and I hope to be back on my bike by June (I might be dreaming but I'm not letting that pretty new bike go to waste!).  Luckily, Scott and I have discovered an activity to do together and it seems pretty family-friendly, especially since we can take turns riding/parenting.  

I've felt ok so far with this pregnancy.  I never would have guessed that I was pregnant and basically only took a pregnancy test because we were going to a friend's wedding and I didn't want to get super drunk if I was pregnant.  I have been much more tired than I would have guessed (who knew that a girl could sleep so much?!) and I have felt slightly nauseous most days.  I haven't thrown up yet but I do feel hungry much of the time.  My pants don't do up anymore which stresses me out a little - it's weird to suddenly be gaining weight, especially after trying hard to lose weight over the past year.  I know that it is for a good cause but it's still kinda weird.