It's hard to be little

Lily was of average size when she was born but she has not maintained her size. She is currently of average length and head size but she remains in the 5th percentile for her weight. She looks extra tall, just because she doesn't weigh very much. I go through different periods of acceptance about her weight - I sometimes worry a great deal about the fact that she's so slow to gain weight and at other times, I accept that this is just how she is. She is on a steady weight gain pattern and is meeting all of her developmental milestones but I can't help but worry that I'm doing something wrong, especially since she is basically exclusively breastfed (with the exception of the one bottle of formula that we gave her last week so that Scott doesn't feel so ill-prepared re: her feeding needs when I'm at work or out with friends). When I am the primary food-source for Lily, it's pretty hard to not feel like I'm not feeding her properly or that there is something wrong with my milk. So, as my new favorite quote states "Guilt is to motherhood as grapes are to red wine"...

4 1/2 month update

Lily is now 4 1/2 months old. I'm constantly amazed and surprised by how fast she changes and grows. Her new favorite thing is to stand while being held. She looks a bit like a hula dancer when she's standing but she loves it! She's able to sit on her own when she's propped up on against a pillow and she's close to being able to roll over from front to back. She's obsessed with sucking on her toes (or her shoes if she happens to be wearing them) and she loves chewing on whatever she can get into her mouth. She drools a ton and likely is teething (but since you don't actually know until they sprout teeth, it's hard to know if that's what is happening). She on a more regular schedule for sleeping and naps but she isn't consistent on how long she sleeps. She got her first cold this week and has been a bit miserable, especially at nighttime. She babbles on constantly and loves to make new noises and sounds. She laughs on occasion but you have to work hard to get those giggles out. However, it is one of the sweetest sounds I have ever hard and it's worth the effort! She's still super small for her age, especially when you factor in her height and this is a constant source of worry for me. Motherhood has felt fairly challenging this week, especially when she wakes up every hour in the night but we are making it through, one day at a time.

It was nice while it lasted

Cara's been the top dog/head honcho/queen supreme at our house for the past 11 years. She was our little fur child and we babied her to no end. She always slept in our bed, got to eat all sorts of table scrapes, came on all road trips with us and generally just got all of our attention. People were constantly asking us how we thought Cara would react once we brought a baby into her world. Cara has never been particularly fond of children (that's putting it mildly) but we figured that she would just learn to love little Scott or Rebecca Jr. Turns out that she is actually great with Lily - she sits next to her and licks her hands or her face. She doesn't much care for Lily's crying fits but she has never exhibited any aggression towards her and in fact, she once growled at my friend when she came to pick Lily up out of the bassinet. While we are thrilled that Cara is learning to love Lily, it seems that Cara has realized that she has no other choice. I'm sad to report that Cara seems to be aware that she is no longer the favorite and has been demoted in our house and in our hearts. I still love Cara and am happy that we have her but I've come to realize that she's just a dog. And as one of our friends so eloquently stated, "it's ok for a dog to just be a dog".

The transformation is complete

It's official, I'm a mother. I know this because we bought one of those dorky window shades. We've spent lots of time on the road this summer and Lily kept getting the sun in her eyes. I was using a blanket to cover her carseat but she often would end up getting too hot in there (it kinda becomes a little baby sauna) and she couldn't see us when we were driving. So, I caved in and bought one. Turns out that it actually doesn't work all that great anyways but it does prevent some of the sun from coming in. Even though I made this one motherly purchase, this is where I draw the line. I can honestly proclaim that I will never ever be the owner of a "Baby on Board" sign (SO nerdy - as if it really makes anyone drive better when they see that sign!) - if that's what motherhood is about, I'm not sure that I want to be part of that club!

Bathing a gorilla

When you are pregnant, you do not shed any hair. However, it does start to fall out after you have the baby. I figured that I might be getting off easy as I didn't have any hair loss for months. Well, that has all changed! I'm losing my hair now and Scott says that our bathtub looks like we have been bathing a gorilla. There is hair on my pillow, in the shower, and on my hairbrush. More and more falls out every day. I would be worried that I won't have any left when all of this is over but I'm just going to trust that it will stop at some point (hopefully soon though!)

Show me your surprised face...

Well done Lily!

Mmmm, blankets are tasty...

Being outside makes me happy

(my cute Duckie pjs don't hurt either...)

New tricks for camping with a baby

As Lily is getting older and more interactive with her environment, we've had to add items to our camping repertoire to help keep her entertained. Enter, the playmat and the crash pad...

I bought the playmat for her last week and she totally loves it! There are all sorts of toys to grab and put in her mouth plus a music machine that has fun flashing lights and a mirror. She is quite content to lay on her mat for long periods of playtime. We've dragged the mat to parking lots in Fernie and Panorama and brought along Scott's crash pad for her to lie on. We've also purchased a patio umbrella to help keep her out of the sun when she's lying on the ground. We've got our system pretty much dialed now so it's almost a shame that the resort riding season is almost over since we'll have to create a whole new entertainment system for next year's riding season when she's a year old and not interested in lying on the ground on a playmat!

Hanging out at the campsite while I get supper ready

The look of concentration

Playing in Pano

Hiding from the sun for naptime

The post-partum body

Women are supposed to gain between 25-35 lbs when they are pregnant. I gained slightly more than this and lost about 1/2 of the weight immediately after Lily was born. However, the rest of the weight is not going away so quickly. I don't actually know how much I weigh these days because I made Scott hide the scale after Lily was born (weighing myself on a daily basis in the early post-partum period was doing nothing for my self-esteem!) In addition, my body is a completely different shape than it normally is (wider hips, bigger boobs, flabbier tummy), even though I've been at this same weight at other times in my life. Some people told me that the weight would just "fall right off" because I was breastfeeding. I know that this is actually the case for some women but it certainly isn't the case for me. Granted, I'm not doing anything about my food intake and I'm probably ingesting lots of calories right now given that we are in the middle of the mountain biking season which means beer, chips, cookies, etc. I'm also not actively working out - sure, we do go biking every weekend but it's not that intensive of a cardio activity (you do burn some calories because you are using tons of muscles as you are basically holding a squat for the whole duration of your riding time). I read somewhere that it usually takes slender women 3-6 months to get to their pre-pregnancy weight, curvier (I refuse to use the word chubby!) women take 6-9 months and heavier women take 9-18 months. I've never been a particular slender woman and I'm prone to gaining weight when I'm not actively watching my food intake and exercising regularly so I'll put myself in the 'curvier' category. I've made an exercise plan for the fall - Lily and I will be attending two weekly "stroller-fit" classes and I'm registered for two other fitness classes at the gym and I plan to start watching what I eat (9 months of not caring about my food intake is starting to carry over into my regular eating habits and I need to nip that in the bud). Here's hoping that I can get back to my pre-pregnancy weight by mid-winter!