Upon reflection

As a social worker, I should know better but I'm always surprised by the clarity that can come to one's mind with a few days of reflection time and quiet headspace.  Leaving my job in Banff last week was incredibly difficult for me and I was very emotional about it.  It left me uncertain as to how I feel about my new and upcoming role as a mother and I was scared.  After being off of work for a few days, I've come to realize that it's ok to take a break from work to take care of our baby. I have no idea if I will want to stay home with the baby for the whole year and/or how I will feel about returning to work once my mat leave is over but I do know that I'm mentally ready to just be a parent for the next while.  It's ok that Scott is going to make more money than me over the next year - it's a good chance to see how that feels for both of us.  Who knows, maybe he will really relish his role as breadwinner?!  I can have another identity outside of my work life - I will fondly remember my time in Banff and I am proud of my accomplishments as a social worker but that doesn't have to be all that I am as a person.  As for my qualms about what happens to the rest of me once I become a mother - I don't really have an answer for that yet but I can only hope that becoming a mother will add to who I am but not take away from the person that I have become after 33 years of being alive.