Judgements

I can't believe that:

• "she got pregnant by accident"
• "she took so long to get pregnant"
• "she's only have one child"
• "she's having another child so quickly"
• "she's not breastfeeding"
• "she's staying home with her kids"
• "she's returning to work"
• "she doesn't have her kids on a routine"
• "she's so structured about the kids' schedule"
• "she had a glass of wine while she was pregnant"
• "she's exercising so much while pregnant"
• "she isn't doing any exercise at all"
• "she's still drinking coffee"
• "she took medication while she was pregnant"
• "she's getting so big"
• "she's got such a small baby belly"
• "she's feeding that to her kids"
• "she lets her kids watch tv"
• "she leaves her kids with a babysitter"
• "she's going out already, so soon after having her baby"
• "she's having a natural childbirth"
• "she had an epidural"
• "she's using a midwife"
• "she's using a doctor"
• "she's having the baby at home"
• "she lost the baby weight so quickly"
• "she still hasn't lost any of the baby weight"
• "she spent so much money on maternity clothes" (oh wait, I think that people might only say that about me...)

These are just a snapshot of some of the comments that I have heard (and/or thought) about pregnant/mothering friends.  Women have come a long way in their fight for equal rights and opportunities, both at home and in the workforce.  However, there is something about pregnancy and mothering that seems to cause women to regress into the worst kind of judgementalism. Motherhood and pregnancy seems like it should be a a time to offer the highest amount of support to our friends and family.  Rather, I've heard endless comments that place blame on other women for the choices that they make regarding their children and their pregnancy.  I'm certainly not off the hook on this - many of the above comments were ones that I had thought to myself on other occasions.  Even my previous post mentions one of my judgements - thinking that women are choosing to put their cleavage on display and that this somehow makes them a bad person.  Many of the other comments are things that people have already said to me about my pregnancy or have said about other women's pregnancies.  It is hurtful and wrong - I think that we need to lay off the judgments and work on being more supportive.